


Clockstop

by hedakarnstein



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - J. Sheridan Le Fanu
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dimension Travel, F/F, Happy Ending, Hollstein - Freeform, Lost soul wakes up in Carmilla's body AU, Oneshot, rockstar Carmilla, sappy Laura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 08:59:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8199083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedakarnstein/pseuds/hedakarnstein
Summary: I am no one, waking up in the body of a different person each day. And for this fourth day of October, I am Carmilla Karnstein. OrWhat happens when a nobody, a wandering soul, wakes up in the body of Carmilla Karnstein? How would it change things? How would it change their reality?orA Hollstein AU oneshot loosely based on David Levithan's novel, Every Day.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!  
> This is my second oneshot for hollstein (after worst crush ever) and I want to thank you all for your warm responses.  
> This oneshot is loosely based on the novel Every Day by David Levithan.  
> This has not been beta-ed so please excuse the errors you'll find along the way. :)  
> Please share your thoughts about this work. I hope you'll enjoy it!

 

*alarm rings*

 

I opened my eyes as soon as I heard the sound of the alarm buzzing off. My eyes fell on the constellation design on the ceiling of the room of the owner of this body.

 

Yes, you’ve read it right. I am Carmilla Belmonde but for this day, for the next 18 hours, I will be Carmilla Karnstein. It is not a first for me to land on a body of someone who shares the same name. as I sat up on the bed, I looked around and saw the black and white, the monochrome type room of Carmilla. It was full of posters of punk rock bands with two electric guitars hanging on the wall. There are numerous trophies that I bet she got from singing competitions or band stuff. She is 19 years old and she’s taking up English Literature at Silas University.

 

_Hmm. Interesting._

 

How did I know all of these? I just know. The moment I open my eyes each morning, every detail about the owner of the body comes into my mind like a chip to a computer. I can process everything. I can access every corner of the owner’s memory. I can see the dark past of Carmilla Karnstein, of how her mother was murdered when she was eight and how her father left her to her aunt Perry when she was ten. I can see all of it, all the tears she shed, all the anger she’s kept through the years, I witness all of it.

 

I took a quick shower and dressed up in all black. This is how the normal Carmilla Karnstein looks like, punk, dark, mysterious. She owns a black Audi and is a member of a band in Silas. No wonder everyone seems to be greeting her the moment I stepped inside the university. I casually passed by the students, not bothering to say hi because Carmilla never says hi. I only bob my eyebrow at those I recognize, or more like, those that Carmilla recognizes. I got into my Philosophy class and sat down at the back, her usual spot. I was busy fidgeting my fingers when my phone buzzed. As I opened it, an unfamiliar name flashed.

 

_Laura? Unfamiliar._

 

How? This is a first. This is the first time I’ve missed a detail about someone involved in my owner’s life. I read the message and tried to process her memories, but I still can’t grasp anything.

 

_Hey. Can we meet after class? Band room at two._

_Let’s talk._

 

Laura? Who the hell on earth is Laura to Carmilla? I tried to go through her memories again but I can’t find anything at all. It was like the name Laura was hidden in a part I couldn’t reach. I don’t have access to the parts holding her memories with Laura, and that is strange. I always see it. I have to see it. But this time, something seems to be off. Something wrong is going on.

 

Shrugging off the thought that somehow scares me, I typed a short reply to this unfamiliar name.

 

_Sure. See you._

 

I closed the phone and started to draw random stuff on Carmilla’s notebook. One thing I’ve noticed with her is that her notes are all empty. Maybe it was part of her habit not to listen in class at all. It’s English Literature in the first place. The readings, the graded recitations and sometimes, the written exams are those that matter.

 

For the second time this day, _my_ phone buzzed again and it was another message from Laura.

 

_Band room’s unavailable this afternoon._

_Let’s just meet at our usual place._

 

Usual place? How am I supposed to know where that is when I can’t even access her memories of Laura? I scrunched up my nose and thought of a way to get away from the meet up. But before I could even type the message saying “ _I couldn’t go. I’m busy._ ”, a pang in my chest thundered up. I wonder what that is. This feeling of guilt is unusual. Could this be the original owner of this body protesting my dominance? Maybe yes. Maybe no. maybe it’s indeed Carmilla who’s telling me not to send that message to Laura.

 

So instead of telling her I could not go, I told her:

 

_Where is that?_

 

Okay. That was stupid. Before I could take back what I just sent, it was already responded to by Laura.

 

_Huh? By the cliff at South Bay._

_Did you forget?_

 

Damn it. I am so screwed. I don’t even know where South Bay is. Instead of worrying more, I just responded with a cold “okay” to her reply and turned off my phone. My curiosity might lead to me getting caught and I can’t afford that. This kind of situation I’m stuck in is different and not normal. Laura would not understand even if I explain. No one would.

 

I just got to deal with her later. Good luck to my poor, old soul.

\-------------------- 

 

After two hours of researching where South Bay is, I finally figured out where it is. I looked at my watch and saw that it’s already three in the afternoon. This could be my lucky escape. For sure, or maybe there’s a good possibility that Laura has already left our meeting place and I don’t have to deal with her at all. I went to the said cliff at South Bay and parked my car near the oak tree. I got off and locked the car and walked towards the breathtaking sight of the oak tree. So their meeting place is a cliff facing the sea. That’s beautiful and quite sentimental, I must say.

 

I was expecting no one’s presence at all and so I was surprised to see a short and blonde-haired girl sitting by the tree. She looked behind her and saw me. The first thing I noticed was how her lips curved into a smile as she stood up and waved shyly at me. I waved back a little and noticed how the pink hues dominated her cheeks. She is so damn beautiful. Her hair was swaying with the wind and her eyes are deep and communicating with me. It’s not communicating with the owner of the body. It’s as if she could see this poor soul occupying someone else’s body for 24 hours.

 

“Uh, hi.”, I said.

 

I was surprised when she suddenly lunged at me and gave me a tight hug. I felt my skin tingle with the contact. Goosebumps crawled through my skin and I can feel the warm blood of this body rushing towards my cheek. I was about to push her away, but something inside my head is telling me that I should hug her back.

 

And so I did.

 

When I hugged her back, I felt her arms tighten more around me. It’s almost as if I couldn’t breathe. Not because of how tight she’s holding onto me, but because her scent is intoxicating. It was like she sucked up the oxygen around me and I was left gasping for air. I hugged her for almost three minutes before she moved away and looked at me with her shy, doe eyes. Just like a reflex, my left hand reached up to her face and I caressed her cheek with my thumb. A small smile crept on her face and I found myself smiling back.

 

This girl has her way of swooning me.

 

“I’m glad you showed up.”

 

She’s glad I showed up? Does Carmilla always ditch their plans for her to say this? Is Carmilla taking this beautiful woman for granted? Is she not expressive towards her? Is this the first time “Carmilla” did this to her? Did I fuck up big time today?

 

“Yeah, sure.”

“I’m sorry.”, she started.

 

I was about to tell her to shrug it off, whatever it is she’s referring to. But before I could I speak, she spoke real fast with no brakes.

 

“I’m sorry that I’m like this. I know you don’t like it when I go all clingy towards you. I know you hate it when I tell my friends how happy I am because we’re dating, but… but I’m just happy. I’m just being the Laura that you’ve met. I know that you don’t like to make this public and I’m sorry if I’m too showy or whatever. I just… I just love you. That’s all. I know it irritates you when I become like this, all too sorry and being such a puppy but, I just, I just got to tell you because I never had the chance. You always say that it is fine and that you don’t care as long as we keep _this_ to ourselves but, Carm, I’m tired of hiding.”

“…”

“I’m tired of hiding in the dark. What we have doesn’t deserve to be kept a secret. You don’t deserve to be just a secret. You’re everything to me. And I know you internally hate me now and yes, you have all the right to feel that way but this time, I don’t think you can stop me. I want the world to know that you’re mine.”

“…”

“ _Just mine…_ ”

 

I was left taken aback at my spot. Is this what this is all about? Because Carmilla is too afraid to show to the world that she owns this beautiful woman named Laura Hollis? This Laura Hollis who made me feel sparks crawling through my body with just her smile? This Laura Hollis who was able to take my breath away with just her smile?

 

No. what am I talking about? I just… I just met her and I don’t even know—

 

“Please say something, Carmilla. Tell me you want this. Tell me you want me.”

 

Her voice was begging and it all felt like a prayer that was never heard by anyone before. tears were brimming in her eyes and God, how I wish I could just tell her that who’s inside Carmilla now is a different soul, a different entity controlling her senses. I couldn’t even stop myself when I reached out for her face and wiped away the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes. I traced her lips with my forefinger, the silence still eating me alive. And the next thing I knew, my lips, Carmilla’s lips were pressing against hers.

 

I, Carmilla for more than a century, has been swooned and petrified by someone I just met. By someone I just knew but it felt different. It’s as if I’ve known her for years. It’s as if I am not kissing a stranger but kissing someone very dear to me. Is this the real Carmilla speaking through my senses? No, I don’t care. I have to make her feel whole again. I have to correct the mistakes that Carmilla Karnstein did. I feel the need to be her for a day. Even if I have to pretend, I have to make this girl happy because that’s what her smile deserves. That is more than what she truly deserves.

 

I pulled away from the kiss and saw the shocked look on her face. I was scared at first, afraid that I pretended so much it got off from reality. But when she pulled me again for a kiss, I knew that I did the right thing. Her lips and tongue tangled and danced with mine. Teeth and flesh clashed and by then I knew, this woman is someone I’m gonna hold dear.

 

“Baby…”, she whispered against my lips, her eyes still spilling the tears I do not deserve at all.

“Sshh… hush now, babe.”

 

I don’t care if what I’m showing is different from the Carmilla she got used to. She doesn’t deserve to get hurt like this, to cry helplessly and in need of care and attention. I cupped her face and placed a soft kiss against her forehead. I felt my eyes getting a little wet, and so I touched my cheek and felt the rolling bead of tears running along my face. This emotion, this feeling, it was so raw and pure and real. I can feel that a part of me is telling my mind that I shouldn’t be doing this, that this is wrong and this is far from the reality that I grew into, but another part of me, the part that merged with the Carmilla Karnstein that’s full of regret and remorse, is telling me that I am doing the right thing.

 

“You never called me babe before. Now, that’s a relief.”, Laura commented through her tears and chuckled.

 

I just nodded in response. I don’t want her to grow suspicious of my intentions and so I chose to stay silent. I continued to coo her and wipe her tears which weren’t stopping at all. A smile crept up in her face and it’s the most genuine smile I have ever seen in my existence. I wish I could tell her what’s really going on. That it is me, Carmilla, but not the Carmilla she had always known. I wish I could tell her things I have not told anyone yet. I wish I can share my truth with her.

 

I wish I can confess to her that I am Carmilla, born in 1900, died at my birthday, year 1918. I wish I could tell her that three days after I died, my soul started to travel from one body to another across the planet. I wish I could tell her that sometimes I am in the body of a man, of an old soul, of a deaf, of a blind, of a cripple. I wish I could tell her that I wish to stay in this body for so long. I wish I could tell her that I have instantly fallen for her. I wish I could tell her that she deserves better, way better than this.

 

But I can’t. and so, I’m gonna make the most out of this day. Out of the remaining hours that I have left to be with her.

 

“Hey, stop crying already.”, I said in a cool voice, trying to sound as much as Carmilla Karnstein does. Because at this very moment, I am Carmilla Karnstein. I am her lover.

“How can I? you just kissed me.”

“I’m willing to give you so much more, babe. If only you know…”

“If only I know what?”

“The things I couldn’t always say directly to you. I really wish I could.”

 

And so I wished. And wished. And hoped for more.

 ----------------------------

 

It was already ten in the evening. I’ve got two more hours left. We spent the past hours driving along the roads of South Bay, from Silas to the outskirts of town. I took Laura to her favourite restaurant and was surprised when she told me herself that she loved hot chocolate and that she could live with just it with her. We shared petty and stupid stories. I shared some stories about Carmilla Karnstein’s past, about her dark childhood which caused tears to once again form in Laura’s eyes. I told her about what’s going on with the band, about Lafontaine’s plan to join this year’s battle of the bands, about Perry’s plan to take me to Netherlands this summer for vacation. I’ve told her so much, even the things that I know the real Carmilla wouldn’t share at all and all I could see from Laura is her utmost interest. God, Carmilla’s so lucky to have her.

 

Now, we’ve settled at her room. We are staring at the stars, talking about the constellations. Thanks to Carmilla’s stored knowledge about constellations, Laura and I had so much to talk about. She has her head on my shoulder and we’re enjoying the brief silence and our synchronized breaths.

 

Time passed so fast and I realized that we only have an hour left. My hands were starting to sweat and tremble and I could feel the urge to be alone. I want to be alone now. I don’t want to leave Laura hanging with her hopes up. I know that I am responsible for whatever may happen tomorrow and in the following days, but the fact that I made her happy, that I made her feel whole and complete, is more than enough for me.

 

No. I have to tell her. Laura has the right to know. She has to know.

 

“Laura… I, I have to tell you something to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“I’m… I’m not the Carmilla you used to know. I am different. I, I don’t know how to tell you this but I don’t have enough time to let you know about everything but, this isn’t me.”

 

I was staring at her eyes, waiting for things to sink in and for confusion to start seeping into her veins. I could already foresee what’ll happen. She would think that I am crazy, or hallucinating, or trying to play a joke on her but—

 

“I know.”

 

_She…_

 

“No, Laura. This isn’t a joke—“

“The Carmilla I used to know couldn’t bring herself to be like this. The Carmilla I know knows how obsessed I am with hot chocolate. The Carmilla I used to know never calls me babe or baby. She would always call me ‘cupcake’, or ‘creampuff’ or ‘cutie’, but never the way you called me.”

“…”

“The Carmilla I know knows where the cliff of South Bay is. The Carmilla I know won’t live without her eyeliners and dark eyeshadows. The Carmilla I know doesn’t believe in supernatural stuff, but I do. The Carmilla Karnstein I used to know is not like this.”

“….”

“Not like you…”

 

I am dreaming, right? I must be dreaming. No one knows this part of me and this woman right here, all it took for her were hours of time together to figure things out.

 

“Laura, I, I don’t know how to explain—“

“You don’t have to. I wouldn’t wish to know either. Just, just please, please tell me that the moment I wake up tomorrow, the Carmilla I’ve grown to love will remember this day. Please tell me it’s possible. Please, whoever you are… tell me she’d be the same.”

 

Tears started to form in my eyes. I was never capable of feeling such emotions, but all it took was a girl to change everything I’ve believed in. but what she’s asking for is impossible. There’s no way in heaven or hell that the owner of this body would remember what happened. It’ll all appear as if nothing happened, and that’s when I realized that I shouldn’t have led her on. I shouldn’t have given her false hopes.

 

“I, I’m… it’s not—“

 

_I will._

_I will remember._

 

Just like a key to a lock, things started to click inside my mind. I could hear the real Carmilla Karnstein speaking inside my head, echoing through my heart. The things about Laura that I couldn’t reach beforehand are now rushing inside my head like flood. Their memories together, the way they stared at each other, the secret smiles Carmilla would smile when Laura’s not looking, the secret laughter she would laugh when Laura rants about her day at school. the taste of Laura’s lips against Carmilla’s are now registering like a flash disc in my brain, in Carmilla’s brain.

 

Fear. The fear Carmilla felt when she thinks of the people that would judge them for what they are and for who they are. The fear Carmilla felt when she thinks of how Laura might grow tired of excusing the abuses of her silence and mysteriousness.

 

The reason it was all buried and far away from my reach is because of fear. But now, Carmilla’s telling me that she will, for Laura’s sake, remember and try to grasp it all.

 

“Carmilla loves you so much, but she’s afraid of how big that love could be.”, I said.

“Will she remember it all? Or will it all just evaporate like you in a while?”

“ _She will because she knows she has to._ ”

 

Carmilla’s fighting inside me. She is trying to fight the possibility that all of this would just be erased the moment she wakes up tomorrow. She witnessed all of this, and it became her wake up call to not be a coward for Laura. And for me, the poor old soul who just met this blonde darling…

 

_I am ready to let go…_

 

“Close your eyes. Let’s, let’s just call it a night.”

“But—“

“She’ll remember. I know she will.”

 

_I don’t want to see myself slip away… so please, close your eyes._

 

Laura nodded her head and smiled at me, a tear escaping her eyes. She pressed a soft kiss on my forehead and whispered the words I would never forget, even if I know that I have to in this lifetime of mine.

 

_“Thank you for making me feel whole again.”_

“Don’t forget me, Laura Hollis.”, I whispered, holding onto her with my ars.

 

The minute is ticking and this is the last.

 

_Five._

_Four._

_Three._

_Two._

_“I won’t remember anything else.”, she whispered through thin air._

 

_One._

_And with that, I slipped away._

 -------------------

 

 

*alarm rings*

 

It was six in the morning and two bodies were lying next to each other on Laura’s bed. Laura was the first one to open her eyes, both still stinging for crying too much the other night. The moment she remembered what had happened, her eyes started to water again and she waited in vain for Carmilla’s eyes to open.

 

To remember.

 

Carmilla’s eyes opened up and her black orbs laid against Laura’s. there was no smile on her face, just the usual dark and mysterious her. Laura’s heart was beating too fast in anticipation, and so, with the hope she got from the stranger she met yesterday, she asked the most lethal question she could ever ask in her lifetime.

 

“Do you remember everything?”

 

A little confusion flashed through Carmilla’s eyes before they were filled with recognition. She placed her hand against Laura’s right cheek and caressed her thumb against her swollen lips.

 

“I do, cupcake.”

 

 

_The end._


End file.
